Posts Tagged With: humour

These Cat Criminals Defy Prison Walls AND Stereotypes

MAIN-Cat-breaks-into-jail-with-smuggled-phones-Brazil

This cat was caught smuggling contraband into prison. He was later released.

The difference between cats and dogs is clear when it comes to law enforcement.  Cops have dogs, and criminals have cats. Recent news stories suggest that cat crime is something to watch.

Today’s feline felons have found a niche in countries where, apparently, cats are allowed to roam in and out of the prisons any old time they want. Kitties have now been busted smuggling contraband into high security prisons in Russia, Eastern Europe, and beyond.

An astute guard earlier this year at Brazil’s Romero Nobrega prison noticed a cat entering the cell block wearing a little jacket that seemed suspicious. Upon pat-down, the jacket was found to contain no less than four cell phones.

In 2013, a Moldovan cat was detained for smuggling cannabis into prison using a special collar that caught a wary guard’s eye. That’s according to DailyMail.com, who also reported that one prison had caught a cat attempting to enter their compound with a saw and drill taped to its body. Now that’s brazen!

Technical questions aside (like, how??), you have to wonder what happens to the cats caught red-handed. The fate of these mules and couriers isn’t always clear. However, in the case of the Moldovan kitty, it was released on its own recognizance. Can you say “kitty sting operation”?

So far the cat prison crime wave hasn’t reached the U.S., where cats are generally not allowed to flit in and out of death row, etc. Nonetheless, the criminal-cat connection here is not a question of ‘when’ so much as ‘why?’

Last month, a Virginia television station reported that a Mexican national escaped custody by putting his GPS ankle device on his cat. It was obviously cruel, since the device had a loud alert sound and the authorities took days to show up. What’s amazing here is that an alleged hardened drug dealer from Mexico even has a cat. That really goes against all the cat-person stereotypes.

In conclusion, these criminals are dirty rotten scoundrels to recruit innocent-ish cats to their illegal activities. Cats can be criminal masterminds when badly influenced by the wrong people.  Nonetheless, some cat criminals still have too much conscience for a freewheeling life of crime.  I’m sure this cat from New York isn’t the first kitty convict to walk into the police station and turn himself in.

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“K-9 your job is mine.” Reformed cat criminals make the best police cats.

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What the Dog Tweets: First Gen Wearable Pet Tech Begs for Second Gen


One day when you look at the “Puppy Tweets Blue” it will be like looking at one of those cell phones that are as big as a brick. Continue reading

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New, Improved Ways for Cats to Get in Trouble

Stuck-cat

This is the tail of a Cairo cat stuck behind a subway wall for FIVE YEARS.

Cats are finding new ways to get themselves in trouble, and they are improving on old forms of trouble as well. Here’s just a few examples, and please feel free to share your own:

–A Florida cat recently found himself stuck inside an SUV tail light compartment, a feat most of us would have thought impossible. The alert driver noticed something was up when she saw a tail sticking out of her tail light. Nearby humans scrambled to rescue the shy stray, which took all of their big brains to figure out. Eventually kitty was freed, and is looking for a new home as of the latest report.

–In an even more-bizarre story, a cat in Cairo was freed last month from being stuck behind a subway wall for five years! The wall was built with the cat inside it, or the cat grew, or Continue reading

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World’s Longest Cat?

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Either this cat has 16 legs, or he just photobombed the panoramic shot.

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Cat wins “Most Awful Sleeping Face in Japan”

The winning photo speaks for itself. That Japan has this contest is inscrutable.

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Cat Meet Celt: Irish Cat Drinking Songs in Your Email

Is is too good to be true? IT IS NOT!

We can again thank the internet for bringing us Cat Drinking Songs fresh as a morning spring in your email.  Celebrate the Irish today with these delightful tunes of cats to drink by, even if your cat is on the wagon. But how can you enjoy Cat Drinking Songs from the comfort of home without running into any drunk kittens on the road?

Simply go to catdrinking.com, sign up for their newsletter, Cat Drinking Tails, and you will receive instant classics like When Kitty Eyes Are Smiling and Lord of the Pounce. Does it get any better than this??

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Two Words: Cat Sushi

Sushi-Cat-1200

Thank you New Yorker for finding this perfect post-cat-art style snack, apparently on Broadway! New York, New York it’s a wonderful town.

http://www.newyorker.com//culture/culture-desk/this-week-in-cultural-clicks-sushi-cats-post-internet-poetry-and-more http://ow.ly/Kmtmf

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They’ll Take Manhattan

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http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/13/arts/design/review-life-of-cats-spotlights-a-centuries-old-fascination-in-japan.html?_r=0#

Another cat-themed exhibition takes advantage of the cat mystique, this one in New York City! Cats have always had a sixth sense for seducing artists of all stripes, getting on the painting and the page far more than dogs, generally. At least, that is how we see it here at Self Help for Cats. We may not be the uttermost authority on this, however, and we would not absurdly pretend to have no bias.

“Life of Cats” is on exhibit now through June 7, 2015 at Japan Society, 333 East 47th Street, Manhattan; japansociety.org.

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Green Cat of Bulgaria: A Cat DIY Job First?

2400163000000578-2871954-Ginger_companion_The_cat_was_pictured_cosying_up_to_another_ging-a-39_1418413395800green cat

If this light-colored tabby of Bulgarian street stock has its way, cat dye jobs will be the next big feline street fashion rage. The avant-garde cat colorist is clearly a natural at the full-body dye job, giving the illusion he was born that way. Sorry Lady Gaga’s cat, this new trend train has already left the station, and cats everywhere have begun demanding all the latest shades of aqua and teal, among other gem tones, from their fur dressers.

What can possible be next in new kitty street trends? Better subscribe to Self Help for Cats so these important moments in cat culture history don’t pass you by.

Learn more at https://twitter.com/sh4cats/status/546506081678008320

 

 

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Thank You for Tuning into Self Help for Cats Reality

For no reason at all, we’re having a reader-appreciation moment…

Dear reader,

Thank you from our hearts for tuning into the Self Help for Cats reality, so far as we can present it.

Most people find us looking for the answer to the question, Why Does My Cat Go Crazy at Night?  I’m afraid humanity hasn’t yet found an adequate answer to this conundrum, truly, but we love you for asking and finding our site. Or finding it any old way.

Each of your clicks hits our little kitty-human collective right in the heart. Dear reader, thanks for being here and being you!

This world is so bloody serious too much of time, yes?  By living a cat-o-centric lifestyle, as many millions chose to, you have a clear and immediate cat antidote to the all-too-human world. Self Help for Cats is by cats for cats. We all know why we are here.  For cats. Naturally.

At Self Help for Cats, it’s okay to put cats first. And second, and third. Cats are us and we are cats. We’re not seeing a lot of distinction here.

I was recently thinking about how perfect cats are, as I often do. I was probably looking at my kitty Brody. He’s the perfect mini-tiger. I had to wonder, why didn’t God stop at cats?

Then I realized, that’s another question… for another post.

In conclusion, I hope we’ve been at least a little helpful here, in adjusting your reality, that is. For that is all any man-cat-woman-cat can hold claim to, and it is the work we do. Or should be doing, more like it.

Oh sweet honeysuckle hockey-puck of a universe, please let this be an extraordinary year for everyone in the Self Help for Cats community! We know it’s in you!

Cheers to you!

The Staff

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