the book

Announcing A New Opportunity to Promote MEEEEEE

Today's bloggers drive their own destiny, each following their own siren song.

Today’s bloggers drive their own destiny.
Each pursues their own siren song.

Like many of my readers in the blogosphere, I take advantage of the widgets and websites available today to amass a media world empire in my spare time.  It’s slow work, but each virtual brick I place is one more stone away from everything I need to quit my dang day job.

It’s not that I don’t like working at the public library, where I do my best to be a goddess-like beacon of community love, light and fine-forgiveness.  It’s just that when one is born to write things like the fast-track plan to get your cat on the express escalator to success, well, you understand that it is called “a calling” for a reason.  One can only put off your very own siren song for so long.

Which is a really long-winded way of announcing that Time Management for Cats, the ebook, has its very own site now, thank you WordPress.  I know it can be hopelessly confusing to the uninitiated: What is it, Self Help for Cats, or Time Management for Cats? Just remember: it’s both!  The book is Time Management for Cats. It’s presented to you by the Self Help for Cats Site at WordPress.com.  Thank you for your attention on this matter, and now we return to you to our regular premier cat lifestyle blog programming here at Self Help for Cats.

Categories: blogging, blogs, books, PR, the book | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

Party Time at Self Help for Cats

Image

So the cats won’t stop celebrating since Saturday when we published our first book, Time Management for Cats, at Smashwords.com!  That’s right, I finally overcame Hank’s reluctance about the cover design and just went for it.  After the hours of editing and formatting, the actual upload was easy.

There was a small hiccup with the cover being too small at first, but that seems to be behind us, almost. At the moment, our status into premium retailers like Amazon.com remains pending, but one can get the book right now for $2.99 at Smashwords.com.

It’s a small price to pay for all the fun you will have putting your cat to work the Time Management for Cats way — and celebrating your amazing success! Click here to learn more.

Categories: blogging, blogs, books, cats, the book | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

Now is an Extremely Exciting Time to Be a Cat

Now is an Extremely Exciting Time to Be a Cat

All the cats at Self Help for Cats are excited to present our new book, Time Management for Cats, now available at Smashwords!

Categories: books, culture, lifestyle, the book | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

No Is Not a Word Spoken in Kitten

No Is Not a Word Spoken in Kitten

Isitreadyyet? Isitreadyyet? Isitreadyyet?
What? No? Well then. Isitspringyet? Isitspringyet? Isitspringyet?

Categories: anxiety, cats, humor, humour, life, lifestyle, musings, photography, random, the book, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I said soon!!!

I said soon!!!

Emotions are running high as the Self Help for Cats staff work night and day applying the final finishing touches on our first book, Time Management for Cats.

The entire Self Help for Cat organization is happy to nearly have this one done. As you can see, the editor is getting grumpy!

Categories: anxiety, books, cat v. dog, cats, fashion, humor, humour, jobs & careers, products, the book | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Cats in Film 1: The Third Man and the Second Cat

Like any proper self-improvement program, the book Self Help for Cats of course has lots of successful cats populating its page, you know, good examples and role models, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, the images generated in Hollywood and other popular folklore aren’t always the “good role model” we want for our cats.

Cats in film are a fascinating bunch, and while I briefly cover cats in film in my book, I only just recently discovered a new example of a clever cat role, this in the classic black-and-white post-war drama, The Third Man. Unfortunately, upon second viewing of the cat’s pivotal performance, the scene wherein Kitty uncovers that Orson Welles’ character is alive, well, I smelled a fish.

There was something about the shot where the cat looks up and connects with the audience – it just didn’t match. And thanks to the magic of DVD, I discovered that they slipped in a second cat for that one shot! The pattern on the second cat’s face is clearly different from the kitty in all the other scenes. I could not hardly believe it! I had discovered that there was a second cat in The Third Man.

So here I am wondering about The Second Cat these many years since the film was made. I have my theories, of course, all of them inspired by the gritty intriguing underworld of post-war Vienna… probably the first cat is out running an illegal catnip ring after faking his own death. I’m open to other conspiracies and even factual accounts, as well, dear readers.

Have you any cats in film you want to share with Self Help for Cats? Together we can be vigilant watchdogs of cats’ public image, if you can forgive my using the “d” word there.

Categories: books, cats, film, humor, humour, the book | 2 Comments

Announcing Self Help for Cats Collector’s Postcard #1

Self Help for Cats Collector’s Postcard # 1
I ordered the above free, priceless Self Help for Cats postcards from Vista Print recently. In the marketing world, this stuff is called collateral.

I have at least 15 of these original collector’s works (the postcards, that is) and each (signed and misnumbered by the author) could go to a good home for the price of merely surrendering your contact information and pledging non-binding interest in one day purchasing my book, Self Help for Cats. In other words, I’m holding these babies in collateral for your electronic vitals.

{Author’s note: I’m no spam engine here nor am I known as Can’d Spam Betty among my acquaintances.  I promise to be discrete and only spam email you at odd intervals about Self Help for Cats and my other brilliant world-changing projects.}

To get a postcard, send your:

name, email, postal address

to: selfhelpforcats (at) gmail (dot) com.

Have it say something like:

I, of sound mind and body, want Self Help for Cats or a book by a reasonably-similar title just as soon as you can publish it! I’m ready to take my cat(s) to the bank!

Categories: cats, humor, humour, the book | Leave a comment

Can I Tax Deduct My Cat?

As with all tax questions, the answer is a definite maybe!  Any tax expert will tell you that you can deduct anything you want, but whether you get a call later from Uncle Sam’s tax cat, well, that be another story.

The good news is, there’s a precedent for tax deducting one’s cat, if only one can discover the proper job title for the animal.  Case in point, artist Joan Brown, who was able to tax deduct the entire salary and benefits package of her cats simply by placing them in her paintings and claiming them as her feline muses.

For those of us who don’t happen to make our living as famous painters, there are other ways to slip kitty onto one’s Schedule C.  You could make kitty your company mascot, paste his face on all your business documents, or even name your company after your cat.  This may work better for some industries than others.  Fuzzymoto’s Funeral Home.  Fang Face’s Plastic Surgery Services.  Hairball’s Haircuts.  You get the idea.

But this is only the beginning of cat’s future deductibility, according to the Self Help for Cats plan.  As felines become ever-more-productive members of society, eventually the IRS will just have to accept their legitimate contributions and offer them the same income tax breaks and advantages that humans have enjoyed for decades.

Small print message: The writer is hardly a cat tax expert, so please don’t sue her.

Categories: cats, humor, money, the book | 2 Comments

Why Cats Paint? Was That a Great Book or What??

Why Cats Paint: A Theory of Feline Aesthetics by Heather Busch and Burton Silver. If you haven’t read it what are you waiting for? There is no more mind-blowing book in the whole field or genre.

No one can or should prepare you for your first browse through this mind-blowing collection of cat artists at work. Suffice it to say, when you hand the concept of cat art over to the art snobs you might expect mixed results, but confusion over the authors’ intent is one of the most charming things about this volume.

My favorite artwork in Why Cats Paint aren’t the paintings at all, which I feel are somewhat contrived. Paint’s not the most natural medium for cats. However, some of the installations of cat sculpture done on “found” items, such as sofas and mini-blinds—these felt like true works of bad genius. Like when the cat artists interacted with his or her work, entering and exiting the giant hole they had gnawed in the sofa’s side. I really appreciate this kind of found-object sculpture if it has an interactive performance component, particularly when such works occur at other folk’s houses.

If you’ve seen/read Why Cats Paint, please drop a comment and let me know what you thought. And if you haven’t read it, you might even find Why Cats Paint at the public library, as I was able to, so well known and considered is this fantastically great cat book!

Categories: books, cats, humor, humour, the book | 4 Comments

Cats: The 9500 Year Old Answer to Rats at Taco Bell

The rats at KFC/Taco Bell video points up the fact that cats have been alienated from their job-by-nature: The decimating of rodents attracted to human food resources. Normally, cats would have long ago vanquished that rodent population right out of Bell-ville.

In fact, a few enthusiastic cat volunteers saw the rat story on the TV news and said “Let us at those rat bastards,” in so many cat words.

But send in the cats and you contend with cat germs instead of rat germs, and regulation wonks with their anti-cat-in-restaurant laws have already shown that rat germs are clearly the policy-preferred. Rats in turn love us so much, they are practically domestic animals. Only they harvest off of us instead of vice versa. The nerve.

Yet if it wasn’t rats filling that niche, it might be something worse, like giant nasty spiders, so let’s go with rats, because rats keep cats in business – for now.

That’s right, even rats cannot last forever (no industry does no matter how stable). And the disturbing trend now is not to replace jobs or retrain, but rather a growing alienation between cats and work itself. Self Help for Cats, the book, offers alternatives to this latest human experiment-in-lives that has already played itself out in no doubt a lot of lost time and inefficiency on the part of some perfectly good and talented individuals – our list-less, goalless cats!

Categories: cats, humor, news, the book | 2 Comments

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