Why Dogs are Pussies

Nothing generates traffic like some good old-fashioned controversy.  That’s why today our topic is “Why Dogs are Pussies.”

It’s true, at Self Help for Cats, we have a big tortilla-like chip on our shoulders about dogs. It’s not that dogs aren’t tolerable in their own loud, slobbering, drooly way. Dogs are okay; we’re not saying dogs need to go. Dogs have their place, and it’s not at our place. It’s just, what is so freaken special about dogs?

Everywhere you go, it’s always dogs, dogs, dogs!  Sausage dogs, pony dogs, hot dogs. Dogs in bike carts. Dogs who read to children.  Dogs who change diapers. Dogs who sail to Ireland. Dogs, dogs, and dogs’ dogs!

At Self Help for Cats, we’ve had it up to HERE with all the dogs. Cats are tired of being placed second behind these noisy, subservient animals (where we often get hit by their dumb, pummeling tails). Everyone thinks so much about dogs. But the fact is, dogs are obvious. Dogs are easy.

It’s not our job to judge here at Self Help for Cats. As perfect spiritual beings, cats understand that love and acceptance is the best approach to our less-complex brothers and sisters, the other creatures. It’s all good. Because when you boil everything down, we are each of us an integral part of the great feline-in-the-sky. And that, friend, is the major reason why we say, “dogs are pussies.”

It’s a compliment.

Categories: cat v. dog, opinion, philosophy, PR | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

Announcing A New Opportunity to Promote MEEEEEE

Today's bloggers drive their own destiny, each following their own siren song.

Today’s bloggers drive their own destiny.
Each pursues their own siren song.

Like many of my readers in the blogosphere, I take advantage of the widgets and websites available today to amass a media world empire in my spare time.  It’s slow work, but each virtual brick I place is one more stone away from everything I need to quit my dang day job.

It’s not that I don’t like working at the public library, where I do my best to be a goddess-like beacon of community love, light and fine-forgiveness.  It’s just that when one is born to write things like the fast-track plan to get your cat on the express escalator to success, well, you understand that it is called “a calling” for a reason.  One can only put off your very own siren song for so long.

Which is a really long-winded way of announcing that Time Management for Cats, the ebook, has its very own site now, thank you WordPress.  I know it can be hopelessly confusing to the uninitiated: What is it, Self Help for Cats, or Time Management for Cats? Just remember: it’s both!  The book is Time Management for Cats. It’s presented to you by the Self Help for Cats Site at  Thank you for your attention on this matter, and now we return to you to our regular premier cat lifestyle blog programming here at Self Help for Cats.

Categories: blogging, blogs, books, PR, the book | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

Dogs Have Them, So Where Are Our Public Cat Parks?

At the city cat park, cats will meet to "cruise and socialize." Some say the park will "attract" children.

At the city cat park, cats will meet to “cruise and socialize.” Some say the park will “attract” children.

Dog parks, schmog parks.  What about the cat parks, people? In feline-forward Oakland, CA (home base for the entire Self Help for Cats empire), cat-activists are asking  just that. This dog-happy hamlet offers its city-bound canines no less than FIVE DOG PARKS in which to frisk about and catch frisbees. Meanwhile, the local cat population suffers without so much as a sidewalk strip dedicated to their pure, dog-free enjoyment.

This and other inequalities were recently brought to Oakland city leaders’ attention by Chairman Meow, spokes-human of a group that calls itself Ay Gato!, “the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Cat Army’s nonviolence front group.” In a statement apparently read to city council, Chairman Meow said the group envisions, “a cat play area with large sandboxes, bird and rodent habitat, trees for climbing,” etc.

In another statement, these cat visionaries assert: “Building a cat park at Lake Merritt would provide cat owners with a lovely opportunity to teach our cats to swim in the lake and bike the area.  Dogs aren’t even litter trained!”

The group has an open Facebook page, so you too could become a member at:

Categories: architecture, cat v. dog, cats, culture, design, entertainment, humor, humour, life, lifestyle, musings, news, our moments, outdoors, play, politics, PR, random, relationships, synergy, travel | Leave a comment

Why I’m Voting the MA1NE Coon Ticket

Leonard the Lion says Vote Yes for MA1ne Coon


Categories: Brody, Herman, humor, humour, news, politics, PR | Leave a comment

Theater and Cats DO Mix!

Those serious Sioux City thespians are leading the way to a whole new vision in cat-theater futures.  The Sioux City Journal reports today that if you bring a can of cat food to the theater for the play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, it’s as good as a ticket.  Proceeds go to the local humane society. 

You can bring other cat stuff as well to serve as your admission price, just don’t bring your cat — contemporary theater for now remains wholly unprepared for cat-inclusive audiences and will need to surmount obvious technological barriers before that dream is realized.

Categories: cats, humor, humour, lifestyle, money, news, play, PR, relationships, synergy, theater | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Bullet Train Borrows Cats’ Ears & More

Retractable Cat-Eared Bullet Train

A futuristic train in Japan will feature air brakes shaped like cat ears that retract like cat nails!  Of course, the retractable-claw cat-ear air brakes are superior to all the brakes people have made without involving cats’ design ideas, proving that cats should be consulted more often in the design-phase process.

What does it mean that a train of the future borrows so heavily from feline technologies?   Is this early evidence that cats are on the cusp of improving our lives Big Time?  

A minor point: Cats take no responsibility to the disco-tights quality of the train’s exterior. For that, I think you can thank manga.

Learn about the cat’s forthcoming bullet train here.

Categories: cats, history, humor, humour, jobs & careers, PR, synergy | Leave a comment

Cats Versus Windmills: This Spin Job Needs a Quixote

Cats are back in the headlines, this time taking fall-guy status in the Great Windmill-Bird Debate of ’07.   It’s enough to make you want to pull a Quixote on whatever windmill executive came up with this latest spin of anti-cat PR. 

Okay, cats have a song bird problem, it’s true.  The problem is, there is something undeniably attractive about slaughtering little singers who can’t help but give themselves away with the essence of what makes them song birds, their lovely little voices. 

But the main problem is not the song, the bird, or the cat.  These three are but an innocent catastrophe waiting to happen, set into motion by nature herself, and diverted into a force 90 million housecats strong by none other than the species voted most likely to change the planet’s climate this century.

It’s hard enough we have to blame ourselves for how bad things have gotten around old Earth here, and it only makes it worse when we shift responsibility to the creatures we keep.  I’m telling you, cats are blameless — the blood they spill is all on us.

Personally, I don’t mind curbing my little killer’s freedom by keeping him inside so I don’t have to handle the guilt that comes along with the dead bodies on my doormat.  I keep my cats inside as well, you’ll be glad to know.

As for Mr. Windmill PR spin executive, shame on you for using cats to take the heat off your clean-energy industry.   That’s about as useful as Quixote busting a cap in some windmill’s backside, although not nearly as entertaining and literarily significant.

Categories: books, humor, humour, news, PR | 1 Comment

The Truth About Cats & Sleep

Cats get a lot of crap for the phenomenal amount of down-time they take, and I admit to being one to make fun of their marathon knock-out naps. Yet it turns out the joke is on me because science has known for years that cats actually accomplish stuff as they sleep!

That’s right, cats may look like they are lost in LaLa land, but actually they are getting to the REM time that will fine tune them into tip-top form and function. Their half-life in dreamland lets them practice their moves on an ideal basis, turning them into the hunting machine they would need to be, if they needed to hunt.

It’s all reported in The Mind at Night by Andrea Rock. Not that I approve of this kind of research, seeing as French neurobiologist Michel Jouvet “surgically disconnected the portion of the cat’s brain that normally paralyzes its muscles during REM.” Still, it’s fascinating to know that cat dreams are a form of practice for the demands of the real world. One can only hope they reconnected that part of the brain later so the cats could go back to dreaming in peace, even if was 1960.

Clear from this stunning discovery, cats are not born enemies of time management – they simply practice it on a level that humans are only just starting to understand.

Categories: books, PR, sleep | 2 Comments

Finally, Self Help for Cats

Welcome to Self Help for Cats, a site devoted to the self-improvement of house cats. The human race has not domesticated a new species in thousands of years, so we have to work with what we got.

Self Help for Cats is not so much a website or a blog as it is a world movement. Cats everywhere are taking charge of their lives and saying, “Hey, we better get with the band wagon!” After all, cats have issues to deal with – public relations issues, for one. I mean, cats are super popular number-wise, but dogs right now have them beat in the charisma category. And any cat knows that’s just plain whacko.

Of course, PR isn’t the only area where cats need a major makeover. Cats in general need a whole new career concept and a complete political rebirthing. Self Help for Cats takes on the gamut of opportunities available to help your cat realize his greatest dreams.

Categories: PR, the book | Leave a comment

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