musings

Thank You for Tuning into Self Help for Cats Reality

For no reason at all, we’re having a reader-appreciation moment…

Dear reader,

Thank you from our hearts for tuning into the Self Help for Cats reality, so far as we can present it.

Most people find us looking for the answer to the question, Why Does My Cat Go Crazy at Night?  I’m afraid humanity hasn’t yet found an adequate answer to this conundrum, truly, but we love you for asking and finding our site. Or finding it any old way.

Each of your clicks hits our little kitty-human collective right in the heart. Dear reader, thanks for being here and being you!

This world is so bloody serious too much of time, yes?  By living a cat-o-centric lifestyle, as many millions chose to, you have a clear and immediate cat antidote to the all-too-human world. Self Help for Cats is by cats for cats. We all know why we are here.  For cats. Naturally.

At Self Help for Cats, it’s okay to put cats first. And second, and third. Cats are us and we are cats. We’re not seeing a lot of distinction here.

I was recently thinking about how perfect cats are, as I often do. I was probably looking at my kitty Brody. He’s the perfect mini-tiger. I had to wonder, why didn’t God stop at cats?

Then I realized, that’s another question… for another post.

In conclusion, I hope we’ve been at least a little helpful here, in adjusting your reality, that is. For that is all any man-cat-woman-cat can hold claim to, and it is the work we do. Or should be doing, more like it.

Oh sweet honeysuckle hockey-puck of a universe, please let this be an extraordinary year for everyone in the Self Help for Cats community! We know it’s in you!

Cheers to you!

The Staff

Categories: lifestyle, musings | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Is Your Vet a Vampire? Can Cats Become Zombies?

veterinarian_vampire_by_night_t_shirts-rb9c37eeef1d943eba231e835521fb450_804gy_512

Every single time I take my cats to the vet, the first thing they want is a blood test, even if the cat just had one. How suspicious! They aren’t even trying to hide it, but they can’t slip this by me.  These guys love cat blood!

Veterinarians love to take blood just as much as vampires, it’s a fact. They say it’s to see what’s wrong with your cat. Sure.  But do the math. A lot of time you think it through and you really don’t need that $150 to $500 blood test. It’s like the ultimate knee jerk reaction for a vet to suck your (cat’s) blood.

The blood taking is bad enough, but the vets don’t stop there. When your cat gets a little sick for the first time in its life and has one or two bad days, the vet tells you it’s time “to have that end-of-life discussion.”

I would understand if it was me. After a day or two of feeling sick, I’m all for calling Dr. Death or whoever. Unfortunately, my own doctor thinks I have a tendency to jump the gun on this. Apparently I’m expected to suffer through the flu and live another day.

Not so for my cat. At the first sign on difficulty, it’s time to have That conversation about end of life. The problem is, I’m far more attached to my cat’s life than I am to even my own. I’m not ready for the Vampire Vets to whisk him off at the first sign of trouble. Unless, of course, they can turn him into a zombie.

If my cat were a zombie I feel this could be the best of both worlds. No more getting sick or fending off blood-thirsty veterinarians. No more little cans of dead pigs and things. Just my little urchin giving me all the cat zombie love I ever wanted. So it’s a big yes for Zombie Cat, and a big no for Vampire Vets.

Categories: health, musings, relationships | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

More Evidence All the Time of an Alternate Cat Universe

Screen-Shot-2012-10-21-at-21.46.16What if life is just a simulation? Scientists report that evidence is stacking up: This big monkey show may turn out to be some kind of mind-boggling virtual exercise.  And for what? No one knows. For all we know, our world is here for the pure entertainment of cats. Yes, our world may just be a big cat playground, where cats come to relax and forget about their universe, which is very high-tech and sophisticated, obviously. Then they put us to sleep and go back to run the real cat world, which is so demanding on them they require very distracting “pass times” (like us humans) to simply forget about it all, and really live!

Did I say, we may be “just” a simulation? With more evidence all the time of a parallel cat universe, I’d like to think I’m the only pet my cats would ever want — in any world.

Want to learn more about the reality of alternate cat universes? Scientists believe we may be able to test if life is a simulation or not.  If we are ready to know that sort of thing.

What about it?  Do you find signs that your cats are leading a double-parallel life in at least one alternate universe?  If so, please let us know here at Self Help for Cats, where we aim to be ground zero for the Alternate Cat Universe theory.

 

 

Categories: life, musings, news, philosophy, technology | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

Fang Shui: The art of rearranging everything for your cat

fang shui

As the feline elves work furiously to get Time Management for Cats out in paperback form ($6.99 @ Amazon coming in early July), I realized upon review that I had never fully pimped my published work here at Self Help for Cats. So here goes. This also happens to be a sample chapter, since this piece ended up in the book. It’s a story that ran in the San Francisco Chronicle a few years back. Timeless as this essential topic is, they have kept the link up on their site. It’s my first published piece of cat writing, so you could say it’s the story that started it all here at Self Help for Cats.

Americans can’t get enough feng shui these days. Despite this ancient Chinese art form’s esoteric demands on our most personal, private spaces, which, by the way, all need to be torn down and rebuilt, well, we just can’t pass up a concept — a wisdom — that confirms what we already knew: The best response to life’s thorny problems is to redecorate.

My own meager attempt to apply a little feng shui around the domicile hit a few snags named Brody and Panther. Ancient Chinese wisdom may rule your roost, but my housekeeping is largely dictated by a couple of fur dragons on paws. I see now that what determines the order of my life furnishings can more accurately be called fang shui.

Read the full story at SFgate.com

***

Categories: culture, decorating tips, design, lifestyle, musings | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

No Is Not a Word Spoken in Kitten

No Is Not a Word Spoken in Kitten

Isitreadyyet? Isitreadyyet? Isitreadyyet?
What? No? Well then. Isitspringyet? Isitspringyet? Isitspringyet?

Categories: anxiety, cats, humor, humour, life, lifestyle, musings, photography, random, the book, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dogs Have Them, So Where Are Our Public Cat Parks?

At the city cat park, cats will meet to "cruise and socialize." Some say the park will "attract" children.

At the city cat park, cats will meet to “cruise and socialize.” Some say the park will “attract” children.

Dog parks, schmog parks.  What about the cat parks, people? In feline-forward Oakland, CA (home base for the entire Self Help for Cats empire), cat-activists are asking  just that. This dog-happy hamlet offers its city-bound canines no less than FIVE DOG PARKS in which to frisk about and catch frisbees. Meanwhile, the local cat population suffers without so much as a sidewalk strip dedicated to their pure, dog-free enjoyment.

This and other inequalities were recently brought to Oakland city leaders’ attention by Chairman Meow, spokes-human of a group that calls itself Ay Gato!, “the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Cat Army’s nonviolence front group.” In a statement apparently read to city council, Chairman Meow said the group envisions, “a cat play area with large sandboxes, bird and rodent habitat, trees for climbing,” etc.

In another statement, these cat visionaries assert: “Building a cat park at Lake Merritt would provide cat owners with a lovely opportunity to teach our cats to swim in the lake and bike the area.  Dogs aren’t even litter trained!”

The group has an open Facebook page, so you too could become a member at:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/436048206462448

Categories: architecture, cat v. dog, cats, culture, design, entertainment, humor, humour, life, lifestyle, musings, news, our moments, outdoors, play, politics, PR, random, relationships, synergy, travel | Leave a comment

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