Consumer Reports Rates Pet Insurance

The May 2016 issue of Consumer Reports looks at pet insurance to see if it’s worth it for the money.  The upshot? If you have a pet with a costly condition, pet insurance may save you more than you spend on the cost of coverage.

New Cat Monopoly Piece: A Token Gesture?

The Monopoly Game adopted a new cat token after a one month popularity contest on the game’s Facebook page.  That’s right: The votes are in, and the iron is out. The kitty charm heralds in a new age of felinity for this classic game of old-fashioned winner-take-all capitalism.

I for one just wish I were more excited that cat won the great Monopoly token debate of 2013 with a sweeping 31 percent of the vote. Kitty handily beat out a helicopter, a toy robot, a diamond ring and a guitar.  But somehow having a little metal cat displace the little metal iron in this perennially-popular board game is not jazzing me like it should.

Maybe I, like some of the Hasbro company officials, am sad to see the iron token go, a classic and long-standing token from some of the game’s earliest editions. I gave my own clothing iron away sometime in the ’90s, but as a Monopoly token the iron was an integral part of the game’s 19th century zeitgeist.  It was one of Monopoly’s few acknowledgments of the working classes (the wheel-barrel notwithstanding); A tiny, token reminder that someone had to starch Mr. Monopoly’s collars.

It’s so like a capitalist to make us choose.  Why create this kind of false scarcity? If the public wants the cat AND the iron, (and the helicopter, and the toy robot, and the diamond ring), I say: Give it to us!

Party Time at the Cat Wig Zone

 

These cat fashionistas know when to work and when to party — and it’s time to party if you can’t tell!  The latest catreprenuerial concept to hit the big time has a lot to celebrate headed into the new year looking sexy and feeling on top of the world.  With top role models like these. watch out Victoria’s Cat’s Secrets!

Theater and Cats DO Mix!

Those serious Sioux City thespians are leading the way to a whole new vision in cat-theater futures.  The Sioux City Journal reports today that if you bring a can of cat food to the theater for the play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, it’s as good as a ticket.  Proceeds go to the local humane society. 

You can bring other cat stuff as well to serve as your admission price, just don’t bring your cat — contemporary theater for now remains wholly unprepared for cat-inclusive audiences and will need to surmount obvious technological barriers before that dream is realized.

Can I Tax Deduct My Cat?

As with all tax questions, the answer is a definite maybe!  Any tax expert will tell you that you can deduct anything you want, but whether you get a call later from Uncle Sam’s tax cat, well, that be another story.

The good news is, there’s a precedent for tax deducting one’s cat, if only one can discover the proper job title for the animal.  Case in point, artist Joan Brown, who was able to tax deduct the entire salary and benefits package of her cats simply by placing them in her paintings and claiming them as her feline muses.

For those of us who don’t happen to make our living as famous painters, there are other ways to slip kitty onto one’s Schedule C.  You could make kitty your company mascot, paste his face on all your business documents, or even name your company after your cat.  This may work better for some industries than others.  Fuzzymoto’s Funeral Home.  Fang Face’s Plastic Surgery Services.  Hairball’s Haircuts.  You get the idea.

But this is only the beginning of cat’s future deductibility, according to the Self Help for Cats plan.  As felines become ever-more-productive members of society, eventually the IRS will just have to accept their legitimate contributions and offer them the same income tax breaks and advantages that humans have enjoyed for decades.

Small print message: The writer is hardly a cat tax expert, so please don’t sue her.

Cats Provide Crucial Tax Season Aid

My cats love tax season.  Their human is around the house more, albeit attempting to focus on something, and there are always so many piles of receipts and paperwork to roll around in and chew on when the usual distraction techniques fail.  

But despite my cats’ apparent contract with chaos, don’t think they aren’t helping me do my taxes.  Their pressing demands for attention add a whole new urgency to the effort, if the April 15 deadline wasn’t enough.  

I just rest better knowing that even while I’m asleep, my cats are hard at work on all that crucial paperwork.  Sure enough, when I awoke on Sunday morning I discovered that Brody had been so thoughtful as to actually start “pre-schreding” some of my more delicate documents. 

Yes, I better get those taxes done in a hurry, lest there be little left of 2006 than some chewed up paper wads and small puddle of hairball.  You can’t buy that kind of motivation, people!

Greed & Cats: Can Felines Adapt to Global Capitalism?

Among cats’ not-so-admirable qualities, it is generally agreed upon that greed is missing in action. Cats don’t typically fight over food, like dogs might. They may tussle over who gets the best sleep spot, true, but many are just as happy to share it.

Yet despite this apparent deficiency, I’m here to assure you that it’s never too late to turn things around and instill a little old-fashioned greed into your cat, and give them half a chance in the Real World.