humour

Need a ride? New APP will drive you wild

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Don’t just get where you’re going. Get there care of a cool cat. When you arrive at your destination with a lot of cool cat fur all over you it will be all the proof you need to show you are on the bleeding edge of techno-convenience. Grouber is Lyft with a catitude.

Below are just a few of the amazing claims they make about their incredible fleet of feline drivers:

Our drivers are spayed, neutered and have no reason to curl up in your lap and make it awkward. Trust us, these cats are cool. And every Grouber experience should be a paws-itive one.

 

Categories: cats, humor, humour, jobs & careers, technology, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Meet Superstar Cat Johnny:

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Johnny is one dang ambitious celebrity cat.

Meet cat superstar Johnny, a charismatic Thai kitty on the verge of international stardom. Johnny, who played himself last year in what we assume was a hilarious and heartwarming film, claims to be the first cat with a bank account.  He clearly needs good cash-flow with his jet-set lifestyle and spendy ways.

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Here Johnny is opening his bank account, which he claims is a feline first. Johnny is “notorious for dressing like disgraced bling-bling monk ‘Luang Pu Nen Kham,’” according to the Coconuts Bangkok website.

Johnny was recently caught skinny-dipping naked on a beach vacation. Doesn’t he know those beaches are positively infested with paparazzi just waiting to get priceless pics like this? The whole thing stinks of a publicity stunt carefully executed to get Johnny more international attention. Well, it worked, because who can take their eyes off the sleek stylish short-hair with the million dollar gaze?

Kitty vacay or publicity coup? You decide.

Kitty vacay or publicity coup? You decide.

So far Thailand has kept this fabulous feline talent to itself, but they can’t hold a cat like Johnny to themselves for long. We may know next to nothing about him, but it only takes a short glance to see that this is one hot, ambitious, talented house cat. By the way, we have the
Coconuts Bangkok site to thank for the little we do know about Johnny super-cat.

So for now, superstar cat Johnny remains an enigma, a mysterious stranger to the West. If anyone can share any information about who he is, who he sleeps with, his next project, etc., we’re ready to pay very handsomely in catnip for these kinds of tasty details.

Happy hug your cat day, but Johnny prefers if you buy him a shot instead.

Happy hug your cat day, but Johnny prefers if you buy him a shot instead.

Categories: cats, celebrities, humor, humour | Leave a comment

Cats & Christmas: The Evergreen Challenge

cat-in-christmas-tree

Here’s a holiday classic post and a perrenial favorite from Self Help for Cats. Merry merry!

Picture a quiet night by the Christmas tree. You sink into your comfy recliner and think about how nice it is to feel so relaxed, and then, wait, what’s that?  The Christmas tree starts to shake violently, all the baubles banging and clanging. “What the hell?” you blurt!  The tree is absolutely possessed.  Like at any moment it could split open and give birth to the alien.

You stare deeper through the pine needles and the tinsel and something is –staring back!  Then you recognize it.  That’s not the alien glaring back at you;  It’s the very wide eyes of your cat having the closest thing to a back-to-the-wild experience he is ever going to have in your living room. Continue reading

Categories: cats, decorating tips, humor, humour, lifestyle, play, relationships | 4 Comments

No Is Not a Word Spoken in Kitten

No Is Not a Word Spoken in Kitten

Isitreadyyet? Isitreadyyet? Isitreadyyet?
What? No? Well then. Isitspringyet? Isitspringyet? Isitspringyet?

Categories: anxiety, cats, humor, humour, life, lifestyle, musings, photography, random, the book, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I said soon!!!

I said soon!!!

Emotions are running high as the Self Help for Cats staff work night and day applying the final finishing touches on our first book, Time Management for Cats.

The entire Self Help for Cat organization is happy to nearly have this one done. As you can see, the editor is getting grumpy!

Categories: anxiety, books, cat v. dog, cats, fashion, humor, humour, jobs & careers, products, the book | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Dogs Have Them, So Where Are Our Public Cat Parks?

At the city cat park, cats will meet to "cruise and socialize." Some say the park will "attract" children.

At the city cat park, cats will meet to “cruise and socialize.” Some say the park will “attract” children.

Dog parks, schmog parks.  What about the cat parks, people? In feline-forward Oakland, CA (home base for the entire Self Help for Cats empire), cat-activists are asking  just that. This dog-happy hamlet offers its city-bound canines no less than FIVE DOG PARKS in which to frisk about and catch frisbees. Meanwhile, the local cat population suffers without so much as a sidewalk strip dedicated to their pure, dog-free enjoyment.

This and other inequalities were recently brought to Oakland city leaders’ attention by Chairman Meow, spokes-human of a group that calls itself Ay Gato!, “the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Cat Army’s nonviolence front group.” In a statement apparently read to city council, Chairman Meow said the group envisions, “a cat play area with large sandboxes, bird and rodent habitat, trees for climbing,” etc.

In another statement, these cat visionaries assert: “Building a cat park at Lake Merritt would provide cat owners with a lovely opportunity to teach our cats to swim in the lake and bike the area.  Dogs aren’t even litter trained!”

The group has an open Facebook page, so you too could become a member at:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/436048206462448

Categories: architecture, cat v. dog, cats, culture, design, entertainment, humor, humour, life, lifestyle, musings, news, our moments, outdoors, play, politics, PR, random, relationships, synergy, travel | Leave a comment

Cat Fashions: The Ultimate Winter Blues Solution

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Brody isn’t the only cat asking to be dressed up this winter.

Brody was wandering the house meowling, belting out the lonely tones of his kitty blues. Nothing, it seemed, could satisfy the crater of existential cat angst that had opened in his feline soul.  His distorted wailing was grating at the last small flecks of sanity still clinging to the interior of his sapiens’ skulls, like remnants of last week’s lasagna makings.

MEOWWWL, MEEEEEOWWWWL!

Careening like a mini-tanker on steroids, he moved through the bays and coves of each room in the house, searching the shores for elusive satisfaction.  His warbling tones echoed off the walls and wood and into his people’s ear canals, their brains, and straight to their “can’t stand it anymore” buttons, deep in the folds of grey matter.

Finally, the grey matter spat up a solution.

“Maybe it’s time to break out Brody’s Kitty Sweater!”

I can’t say Brody likes wearing his Kitty Sweater, not like he should.  It’s perfect for him, adorable and very stylish, a neat knit pattern in lovely shades of gold and teal.   The best part is the look on his face when you slip it on him. He looks just like a kitty question mark.  What is this?

I think the comfort the sweater provides is not so much as a source of warmth as it is a source of challenge.  The challenge of how to wiggle out of it.  At any rate, it works as good as anything to quiet his case of the kitty wintertime blues.

Yes, it’s definitely Kitty Sweater weather.  And if the sweater doesn’t do the job, maybe the hot little sequined number below would do the trick.

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Categories: anxiety, Brody, cats, fashion, humor, humour, lifestyle, products, tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Organizing Your Cats: Last Minute Gift Ideas from the Experts

cat organizing

Organizing your cats is simple with so many great last-minute gift ideas available on the internet, like these stacking cat crates put together by a savvy reader of Taildom.com.

cat org xmas

Here, basic buckets create a high level of cat order AND adorable holiday centerpieces!  With easy ideas like this, you have no excuses for the same-old cat mess as usual this year.

Categories: blogs, cats, decorating tips, humor, humour, lifestyle, products | 1 Comment

The Howling of Old Cats

Yesterday the vet told Hank, “Older cats do a lot of howling.”  No freaken kidding.

My cats used to be silent, back when they were younger and exercised their bodies and not just their vocal cords.  Now it’s like backstage at the opera house at any given hour of the day, and sometimes it starts to feel like a cat looney bin around here.

I’d like to know what on Earth gave my cats the green light to vocalize their incredible existential angst all the time?? Haven’t they noticed we humans may bitch and complain for a period of time, but we rarely emit the kind of death-moans that cats turn out like no tomorrow.

This morning, Brody thought 5 am was his cue for a solo aria of pathetic woe, presented not ten inches from my left ear. His true talent, however, lies in warbling through the apartment singing the cat blues to the world at large.  It’s not pretty.  It’s unnerving.  I can tune the cat out, but I can’t tune Hank out, and he can’t tune the cat out.  So I might as well not tune the cat out.

Life is thus made more anxious by anxious cats.  They pick up our anxiety and give it back in feedback-like feline warbling.  Sleep is ruined.  Mental peace, ruined.

And now to find the experts knew this would happen years ago.  It’s apparently a commonly known fact, older cats howl a lot.  What else did they fail to warn us about??

I swear younger cats should have to wear a label.  “May eventually emit brain-curdling noises throughout the night, leading to a reduction in complete well-being and brain power for any nearby humans.”

Categories: anxiety, Brody, cats, humor, humour, relationships, sleep | Leave a comment

Why I’m Voting the MA1NE Coon Ticket

Leonard the Lion says Vote Yes for MA1ne Coon

 

Categories: Brody, Herman, humor, humour, news, politics, PR | Leave a comment

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