Planet Cat Will Have to Wait

Planet Cat Will Have to Wait Helping himself to a big dose of Earth’s morning sun rays, Brody faces another day on the planet with his old elan. Apparently, his mission here is not quite yet complete, although Comrade Herman seems to be wrapping things up.  Please excuse the occasional radio silence from SHFC as we find ourselves completely overcome by the activities of kitty end game.

Categories: Brody, Herman | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

My Editor is Puddy in My Hands

Another late night of editorial production here at Self Help for Cats. Night time is the right time for my clear-eyed copy editor to paw through the first drafts and offer his unique brand of feline value-plus. Not every cat is so devoted to blogging away his “on” hours, but at Self Help for Cats, we are committed, or possibly, we should be.

Categories: blogging, Brody, our moments, synergy | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

Brody the Unstoppable

Brody the Unstoppable

What can I say, Brody can levitate. You cannot detour him when he is determined.

Categories: Brody, cats, life, our moments | Tags: | 2 Comments

Cat Fashions: The Ultimate Winter Blues Solution

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Brody isn’t the only cat asking to be dressed up this winter.

Brody was wandering the house meowling, belting out the lonely tones of his kitty blues. Nothing, it seemed, could satisfy the crater of existential cat angst that had opened in his feline soul.  His distorted wailing was grating at the last small flecks of sanity still clinging to the interior of his sapiens’ skulls, like remnants of last week’s lasagna makings.


Careening like a mini-tanker on steroids, he moved through the bays and coves of each room in the house, searching the shores for elusive satisfaction.  His warbling tones echoed off the walls and wood and into his people’s ear canals, their brains, and straight to their “can’t stand it anymore” buttons, deep in the folds of grey matter.

Finally, the grey matter spat up a solution.

“Maybe it’s time to break out Brody’s Kitty Sweater!”

I can’t say Brody likes wearing his Kitty Sweater, not like he should.  It’s perfect for him, adorable and very stylish, a neat knit pattern in lovely shades of gold and teal.   The best part is the look on his face when you slip it on him. He looks just like a kitty question mark.  What is this?

I think the comfort the sweater provides is not so much as a source of warmth as it is a source of challenge.  The challenge of how to wiggle out of it.  At any rate, it works as good as anything to quiet his case of the kitty wintertime blues.

Yes, it’s definitely Kitty Sweater weather.  And if the sweater doesn’t do the job, maybe the hot little sequined number below would do the trick.


Categories: anxiety, Brody, cats, fashion, humor, humour, lifestyle, products, tips, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Howling of Old Cats

Yesterday the vet told Hank, “Older cats do a lot of howling.”  No freaken kidding.

My cats used to be silent, back when they were younger and exercised their bodies and not just their vocal cords.  Now it’s like backstage at the opera house at any given hour of the day, and sometimes it starts to feel like a cat looney bin around here.

I’d like to know what on Earth gave my cats the green light to vocalize their incredible existential angst all the time?? Haven’t they noticed we humans may bitch and complain for a period of time, but we rarely emit the kind of death-moans that cats turn out like no tomorrow.

This morning, Brody thought 5 am was his cue for a solo aria of pathetic woe, presented not ten inches from my left ear. His true talent, however, lies in warbling through the apartment singing the cat blues to the world at large.  It’s not pretty.  It’s unnerving.  I can tune the cat out, but I can’t tune Hank out, and he can’t tune the cat out.  So I might as well not tune the cat out.

Life is thus made more anxious by anxious cats.  They pick up our anxiety and give it back in feedback-like feline warbling.  Sleep is ruined.  Mental peace, ruined.

And now to find the experts knew this would happen years ago.  It’s apparently a commonly known fact, older cats howl a lot.  What else did they fail to warn us about??

I swear younger cats should have to wear a label.  “May eventually emit brain-curdling noises throughout the night, leading to a reduction in complete well-being and brain power for any nearby humans.”

Categories: anxiety, Brody, cats, humor, humour, relationships, sleep | Leave a comment

Why I’m Voting the MA1NE Coon Ticket

Leonard the Lion says Vote Yes for MA1ne Coon


Categories: Brody, Herman, humor, humour, news, politics, PR | Leave a comment

Cat Camping Season Officially Opens

Campground Peacock Drops in to Shoot the Breeze

The Kitty Camping Season is officially off and running! The Association of Camping Kitties (ACK) has formally declared July as Cat Camping month.

ACK veterans like Brody and Herman need not be told.  They know it will soon be time, time to hide (aka “pack”) the leashes and break out the kitty barbeque set.

Send your humans to the outdoor store for the squeeter juice and cat GORP and get ready for the wildest, craziest camping trip of your cats’ lives.  It’s been a long, cold, hard winter, and we need some serious sleeping under the stars to try and forget it.

Ahh, the midnight meadow-mouse nature walks, the mornings blending into evenings lazing about in the tent, the visit from the campground peacock…

A Recent Midnight Meadow-Mouse Hike

These camping expeditions really revive kittys’ batteries for another relentless year of cat 9-to-5.

Categories: Brody, cats, Herman, humor, humour, lifestyle, news, outdoors, play, sleep, travel, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Cat Who Cried “MWAOWWWaaaOIIOOW!”

The blood-curdling howl ripped me from dream state, and I awoke knowing someone was doing something horrible to something else out there in the night.  Then it all snapped into place like two Legos and my feet flew out of bed bringing me along running with them.  It was five AM and I had to stop the painful sounds of torture — if not any actual torture itself.  I had to consider, what would the neighbors think?

Sure enough, I had awoken to the horrible sounds of another battle-supreme between the two cats who otherwise can’t get enough (sleep on top) of each other.  The “brothers” who are not related, the boys who fill our days with joys have lately become a troubled duo.  Call them Paul and John, they ain’t getting along, at least not all the time like they used to. Continue reading

Categories: anxiety, Brody, cats, health, Herman, humor, humour, relationships, sleep | 1 Comment

Cat Pee and Human Ingenuity: Some Things Refuse to Be Contained

Seeing as a large segment of my modest readership finds me care of “pooping outside the box” or similar cat search terms, I realize an update on the topic is in order. Let’s just say, it hasn’t been all wrapped-up pretty like a Martha Stewart episode.  Fact is, the Army Corps of Engineers would have a tough time containing my recent cat urine problems, and in case you were wondering, I don’t have an Army Corps of Engineers lying around to work on this urgent matter. What I have is one guy, and I call him Hank.   

Karmically, I believe Hank and I can trace our current problem back to an Abyssinian named Denial.  Continue reading

Categories: Brody, cats, decorating tips, Herman, humor, humour, lifestyle, products, relationships, technology | 2 Comments

Herman the Housecat Overtaken by Holiday Stress

Just because I channel my cats’ self-improvement tips here at Self Help for Cats does not mean my household is beyond having its own seasonal and other feline challenges.  The trouble started a few years back…

When Herman saw Santa Claws out the window on our first Christmas morning at the house where I now live, he went utterly ballistic and turned on his very best friend, Brody.  I had to jump out of bed to separate the fighting madcats with a broom and sweep Herman Panther into another room, closing the door on the devil cat he had become.  Peace on Earth it wasn’t.

Herman, we have since learned, was suffering from his first case of displaced aggression. He saw a cat outside (ever since known by the name Santa Claws) and got so upset and confused, he failed to regonize the friend he sleeps on top of every day of the year.  Continue reading

Categories: Brody, cats, Herman, play, relationships | 1 Comment

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