Since last winter, Herman Panther has taken to sleeping in Hank’s arms like a lover. Now, I don’t want you to think that I mind, because I don’t mind at all. Seeing as how I tend to be mistaken in my sleep for a mild cyclone, I’m perfectly happy letting two of my boys have at the comfort of each other’s arms. That way I’m free to twist the sheets into rope and send the blankets into 14 directions and generally get the sleep that I need unencumbered.
Unfortunately, my spot on the door-side of the bed puts me directly in the path of the sleek but leaden-weighted Herman Panther, a place that seems predetermined to be his springboard on and off the bed.
Imagine me, deep in sleep, in my stormy lullaby-land, unconscious, unknowing, unable to anticipate my 16-pound bowling ball on claws bounding off my belly like it’s the trampoline launch at the cat gymnast olympics. Or equally astonishing, awakening to the scrabbling ascent over my protruding hip at he claws his way up, over, and into the valley between me and Hank.
Let’s just say I could do without these sudden awakenings. But there is little that can be done, short of building a fence on my side of the bed, which is an idea I just now had that might work. But short of that, his only other route is to cut across my pillow, painfully yanking my hair with each step. Or sometimes, he’s cut across my face, and I awaken with scratched cheeks. Yes, I don’t mind Panther sleeping with Hank, it’s just his getting in and out of bed that causes issues.
However, once he makes it to his target, let’s call it “warm-body Hank,” a bit of magic occurs that kind of changes everything. This is how it works: Herman mills around in the vicinity of Hank’s neck looking especially clueless and waiting for “it” to happen. Then, suddenly, he’s drawn in under the covers right in the perfect spot next to warm-body Hank. It happens so fast, it’s amazing! It would take the cat about a year to find that spot himself, believe me.
Now Herman’s sleeping head rests on Hank’s big manly bicep, and Hank’s other arm gently embraces the happy black cat. Through the night they sleep thus, man and cat and other cat (at feet), and woman slash cyclone slash trampoline. Now, what was it I was complaining about?