Kitty Toilet Training a Dream No More

Are you like me?  Do you dream of training your cat to use the toilet? Or is the subject of your salivation one of those fancy litter-flushing contraptions that promise to put an end to the great tootsie-roll treasure hunt? 

Well, the dream is off, everyone.  Apparently, of all the things you can put down a toilet, cat crap is where we as civilized people and cat lovers must draw the line.

That’s because of all the foul stuff that gets flushed down the crapper, cat crap is beyond even the beyond.  How is that possible, you ask?  By what cruel twist of fate could it be that little Foofie’s poops are so much worse than even our own?

Well, the marine biologists have spoken, and they think flushed cat crap is killing sea otters, or rather, the parasite it carries, Toxoplasma gondii, is.  In fact, even Governor Terminator is on cat poop’s case, signing a California law warning consumers that dumping cat litter into toilets or storm drains may harm otters.  

So while my dream of scolding the cat for leaving the seat up is all in vein, I am glad I didn’t already take the trouble to potty-train kitty, an activity I was neither looking forward to nor confident I could even accomplish.  Fortunately, I discovered before I tried that this cat toilet usage is, if not the incarnation of evil itself, at very minumum plainly and totally not okay. Especially when you consider how cats and otters are so closely related in the grand scheme of things. 

(Not that it would be okay if, for example, otters happened to be more closely-related to dogs. Even if at times I seem to suggest that dogs are spoiled media-darlings, I would never take that petty squabble out on a hapless and very cat-like otter. Also, some of my best frenz have been dogz.)

So for now, unfortunately, we’re stuck with litter-cleaning the old-fashioned way, which in my house pretty much means Hank is doing it.  That is, until one of them big cat-litter robot manufacturers gets a looksie at this here Website, then I figure me and Hank’ll have more litter-cleaning robots than we’ll know what to do with!  We may need to reprogram one of them to make the coffee, or something.

Categories: cats, humor, humour, products, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Kitty Toilet Training a Dream No More

  1. So is it only limited to cat poop? What about cat vomit? Would it be okay to train my cat to vomit into the toilet instead of random places around the house?

    My cat has to occasionally purge itself of hair balls and has the tendency to spew on our living room floor. It would be nice if I could get my cat to not behave like a fratboy after a night of heavy binge drinking.

  2. Oh my god, gamefacepdx, you are completely brilliant! My cats are constantly puking all over the house, and sometimes it makes me wonder what was the point of training them to use the litter box in the first place. Like when I say to my landlords, oh, those spots on the carpet, those aren’t cat poop — those are cat puke — do you think that’s going to make any kind of difference to them?

    I think teaching cats to puke in the toilet may be the Next Big Thing — just as big as training them to poop in the toilet, if not bigger. Although I will need to do a little research, my guess is that cat puke down the toilet is a-okay, seeing as how those nasty intestinal hitchhikers tend to like the lower digestive tract, or at least that’s the impression I get from their press agent.

    Thanks for the comment, and the great idea, gamefacepdx!

  3. Tell Hank that he should check out the Litter-Robot at It won’t make coffee but it will save him the dirty job of having to scoop out the litter box ever again!

  4. Stephanie

    My cats like never puke and I have two of them. Before when we had cats they used to puke all the time tho. Do your cats go outside? My cats don’t and they are fed Purina Indoor Formula and over the couple years that I’ve fed it to them their coats are shinner and they puke a lot less. Plus they aren’t fat, nor are they skinny.

  5. Well, Stephanie, I guess you won the cat-puke lotto or something. My cats do not go outside unattended, but the main puker is long-haired, which I think explains quite a bit of the puking, if not all of it. As for food, we feed them Royal
    Canin. It’s extremely expensive, so it must be good. I myself would not purchase cat food from a supermarket. If you need to know why, go ask a pet shop why they don’t carry supermarket pet food brands. Generally, they are full of by-products and artificial ingredients, unless those brands have changed their formulas.
    Here’s a better explanation about good and bad pet food ingredients:
    In any case, thanks for your comment, and hope your puke luck holds fast!

  6. Pingback: The Greening of the Kitties (and their Mousies) « Self Help for Cats

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