Cats at Night: Bleary Humans Seek Answers Here

I don’t want you to think this is 1984 or anything, but I do get to see the search terms that some of you use to arrive at Self Help for Cats.  By far and wide the number one topic you all want to know about is what to do when your cats go crazy at night. 

Apparently Self Help for Cats has uncovered an epidemic wherein everyday, cat people around the planet wake up and blearily start searching the Internet with terms like, “cat night crazies,” “cat freaks out at night,” and my favorite, just searched on yesterday: “cat ruining house at night.”

Now I sure don’t mind the traffic, because frankly right now Self Help for Cats is still a boutique operation minus the boutique, for sure.  And I’m honored to be sought as a source of help and advice. What I need to clarify, however, is that the Self Help for Cats program is not really about helping you get a good night sleep — that will merely be one of the fantastic, amazing side effects of the Self Help for Cats plan, along with things like health, wealth, and eternal bliss.   

So don’t expect a lot of practical, boring, labor-intensive remedies that you will find on other sites.  Wake them at this time, feed them at that — I’m sure it’s all well and good, and I even provide a link to such an earnest and thought-out program in my own first piece here on the topic.  

But understand, Self Help for Cats is not about how to put kitty to bed on your schedule.  Rather, the entire Self Help for Cats program is about corralling that wild, innate entrepreneurial energy you see running itself rampant about 1 am, and using it to shake up the world and create something totally new and utterly great!

Of course, once you cat is a major success, he or she is no longer going to want to bug you all night long, it almost goes without saying. 

 ***

Tune in soon for our next feature on this topic: The Mattress:  Invented by Cat to Torment Man?  Our hard hitting reporter will examine whether humans used to sleep on their feet like horses until cats trained them to lie horizontally, and be completely at their mercy for eight hours a day.

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Categories: cats, humor, humour, sleep | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Cats at Night: Bleary Humans Seek Answers Here

  1. LoL You crack me up, friend. Truly. *wipes eyes with tissue*

    (As I write this comment, my very own slave driver (the cat) is sizing up the curtain which is presently drifting about from the breeze of the fan… I must dash, before she completely dismantles the place. Cats. *sigh*)

  2. red haired woman in the basement

    Your comments are disabled on the above post. Are you getting too many comments? I love Pyewacket from Bell Book and Candle and the children’s book from the 60’s.

    There is a great cat in Steven King’s Cat’s Eye, starring little Drew Barrymore. Accused of stealing kids’ breath and being a “furry little bastard” he nonetheless saves the day. And of course there’s Thomasina.

  3. Thanks red, I hadn’t noticed my comments were off above. I just corrected it, and I’m going to copy your comment so it’s with the post about cats in film. Then I’ll respond to it up there. Thanks for these great suggestions!

  4. OMG lol that is how i came to your site. I wasn’t looking for help, just seeing if anyone else’s cat does this as well. I write this now, bunched up on the swivel chair, knowing that if any extremity dangles off the edge, my kitty will attack it ferociously. I figure i am safer on the shair then in the bed, where she will somehow bound across the quees sized matress in one leap using my tummy or head as a springboard 😦

  5. Reading your description, Caroline, I see now that cats are still rather wild animals, and we are kind of nuts to live with them. But it’s a good kind of nuts, I think. In fact, this kind of willingness to be scratched by a cat, this tolerance to accept that an other can harm without meaning harm, well, maybe that sort of thing when practiced on a global scale may very well save the human race.
    Or not.

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