Theater and Cats DO Mix!

Those serious Sioux City thespians are leading the way to a whole new vision in cat-theater futures.  The Sioux City Journal reports today that if you bring a can of cat food to the theater for the play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, it’s as good as a ticket.  Proceeds go to the local humane society. 

You can bring other cat stuff as well to serve as your admission price, just don’t bring your cat — contemporary theater for now remains wholly unprepared for cat-inclusive audiences and will need to surmount obvious technological barriers before that dream is realized.

Sleeping with The Panther

Since last winter, Herman Panther has taken to sleeping in Hank’s arms like a lover.  Now, I don’t want you to think that I mind, because I don’t mind at all.  Seeing as how I tend to be mistaken in my sleep for a mild cyclone, I’m perfectly happy letting two of my boys have at the comfort of each other’s arms. That way I’m free to twist the sheets into rope and send the blankets into 14 directions and generally get the sleep that I need unencumbered. 

Unfortunately, my spot on the door-side of the bed puts me directly in the path of the sleek but leaden-weighted Herman Panther, a place that seems predetermined to be his springboard on and off the bed. 

Imagine me, deep in sleep, in my stormy lullaby-land, unconscious, unknowing, unable to anticipate my 16-pound bowling ball on claws bounding off my belly like it’s the trampoline launch at the cat gymnast olympics.  Or equally astonishing, awakening to the scrabbling ascent over my protruding hip at he claws his way up, over, and into the valley between me and Hank.

Let’s just say I could do without these sudden awakenings. But there is little that can be done, short of building a fence on my side of the bed, which is an idea I just now had that might work.  But short of that, his only other route is to cut across my pillow, painfully yanking my hair with each step. Or sometimes, he’s cut across my face, and I awaken with scratched cheeks.  Yes, I don’t mind Panther sleeping with Hank, it’s just his getting in and out of bed that causes issues.

However, once he makes it to his target, let’s call it ”warm-body Hank,” a bit of magic occurs that kind of changes everything.  This is how it works:  Herman mills around in the vicinity of Hank’s neck looking especially clueless and waiting for “it” to happen.  Then, suddenly, he’s drawn in under the covers right in the perfect spot next to warm-body Hank.  It happens so fast, it’s amazing!  It would take the cat about a year to find that spot himself, believe me.

Now Herman’s sleeping head rests on Hank’s big manly bicep, and Hank’s other arm gently embraces the happy black cat.   Through the night they sleep thus, man and cat and other cat (at feet), and woman slash cyclone slash trampoline.  Now, what was it I was complaining about?

Think Outside the Box, Don’t Poop Outside the Box.

If your cat is getting creative with its waste matter, as you probably groked it’s not something you want to ignore. We humans can be mighty thick when it comes to cats communicating with us, but we always seem to understand the urgency of dealing with a BM issue, be it number one or number two.

Cats who do it outside the box are sending a message, although its not entirely intuitive for humans to understand. We don’t speak cat poop, but we can have it translated for us. Really, it could be many things that the cat is trying to say. Whatever is said its certainly being said urgently by the cat. It’s best really to try to look at it from the cat’s perspective, as pissed off as you may be.

Obviously, the very first thing any expert will ask you is how clean is the box? You need to keep the box clean, or you really can’t blame kitty pooping in your shower stall.

At the same time, you want to keep in mind that it could be a health issue. Cats don’t have a lot of means for telling you they don’t feel great. The only time my Maine Coon crapped on my comforter, he was clearly having a digestive problem. This is another good reason to keep the box clean. It’s healthier and if you cat uses it, you don’t have to worry that’s he’s trying to tell you he’s sick.

I’m just lucky I have ol’ Hank to help keep our box clean. Man can clean a litter box, I tell you, and don’t think that cats don’t notice. But even we occasionally get behind on our schedule, and we’ve had issues. Trust me. Since moving to our new place, keeping the litter and pee in the box has been a handful. But that’s another story for another day.

How to Win an Argument With Your Cat

Have you ever noticed how when you are in a particularly maddening argument with your significant other how nice it is to have a cat or dog or hamster to comfort you?  Fawning conspicuously over one’s companion animal can be an extremely effective dig at your dismayed lover, as long as you can stop yourself from going overboard. 

No, there’s nothing like excessive feline adoration that says, “I have the wonderfully-loving and decidedly non-argumentative cat, so who needs you?”

The thing is, how mad can you get at your cat versus how mad can you get at your man?  The two aren’t even in the same reality ball park.  The fact is, I can’t get mad at my cat at all.  Whether he secretly vomits on my pillow and I sleep on it, or when he tries to accidentally bite off my small toe, the cat is never culpable. 

Whereas my partner-boyfriend could be napping in another nation—hell, he could be in a coma—and I would still find a way to blame everything conveniently on him…