Internet Good for Something, One Cat Finds

What cat said the Internet was good for nothing?  Someone tell that cat that everything has changed, and all the time humans waste tap tap tapping at their little screens isn’t completely useless after all.  Not when even a monumental day-waster like Facebook can reunite even one cat with their human, as it did this past Friday the 13th.

This single life-saving event completely justifies the millions of human hours spent social software-izing.  Now cats everywhere are ushering in a new era of computer-toleration by cats, for cats.  Today’s computer-savvy feline feels even less guilty sleeping the usual 25 to 27 hours a day while his human taps away….

City Cat Summer Camp

I don’t know about you, but it’s hot enough here to shave a Maine coon cat.  Hot enough to give a cat a bath.   But why go to such extremes during such extreme temperatures?  It is much better to simply send your cats to camp, where swimming, running through the sprinklers, and riding horseback will give kitty all the cool stimulation he could want, and without the messy razor residue.

Ask yourself, what kind of city cat summer camp fits into your busy summer schedule?  Does the Fluffster need a basic day camp to tramp through the parklands, make friends and mud pies, build forts and chase flags? Or does your cat prefer to feed his own special creative habit?  If so, possibly explore a specialty camp, like cool cat-art camp or kitty outward bound. The possibilities are endless when you make them up yourself as you go along!

Whatever camp you choose for your cats, the important thing to do is remember to always wake up every morning and get your cats ready for another day of fun.  Do this and everyday will be a huge success.  I hope this helps clarify matters during this thought-smashing heat.  Thanks for your time, and as always, feel free to please share your cat’s own summertime aspirations and pursuits, if you like.

 

 

 

LAX Cat Fingerprinting: A Simple Hoax or Sign of the Times?

Cat airline travel, formerly a feline right of passage, may soon go the way of the Hindenberg, if what the lady from Southwest says is true.

In a recent phone conversation with my partner Hank, the Southwest lady said the airlines are “straying away” from companion animal travel on their passenger planes.  I swear, that’s what she said and that’s the words she used. 

This news comes as a major shock to me.  It just can’t be true.  How are Brody and Herman ever going to see Niagara Falls, the Big Apple, and the remnants of the Berlin Wall if they can’t fly?

Anyway, maybe it’s not true, because I just read another story about how incredibly misinformed some airline employees are about cats and travel.  In fact, as it turns, one new worker was actually telling folks they would have to get their cat fingerprinted if it traveled through Los Angeles International Airport.  Read about it here.

 Well, I obviously need to get to the bottom of this one.  How about you, do you find that the airlines are “straying away” from pet travel, or has your little kitten been wracking up the free flyer miles no problem visiting a hot little Persian they met in Miami?  

I’d love to hear what the real story is for jet-setting kitties, and the people who pack for them.

Got a License to Cat?

In East Longmeadow, Massachusetts, there’s a lot of cats.  How many cats? Well, this sentence from the local paper might illustrate:

According to [animal control], scenes of cats roaming around town are more than a usual occurrence in East Longmeadow.

Yes, those roaming-cat scenes, played out more than usually.  Wait, what?  More than usual, for what?  Who is to say what a usual occurrence of roaming-cat scenes is?  What does this tortured sentence mean, and is it going to lead to other tortured sentences, like kitty behind bars?

Okay, sure, this is a serious topic.  All kitties need to get their shots, I suppose, whether they be Tommy B. Homekitty or Felicity Free-Me-or-I’ll Freak Feral.  But if the Universe had meant for kitty to need a license, couldn’t it have furnished him with a neat little back pocket? 

Anyway, animal licenses are so dog.   If we start licensing cats, I think we need to find a way to felinize the entire process.  I’m not sure what that would look like, but the best minds of our generation should be able to come up with something.

Theater and Cats DO Mix!

Those serious Sioux City thespians are leading the way to a whole new vision in cat-theater futures.  The Sioux City Journal reports today that if you bring a can of cat food to the theater for the play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, it’s as good as a ticket.  Proceeds go to the local humane society. 

You can bring other cat stuff as well to serve as your admission price, just don’t bring your cat — contemporary theater for now remains wholly unprepared for cat-inclusive audiences and will need to surmount obvious technological barriers before that dream is realized.

Best Jazz Album Name Ever

Do I need to tell you how great to have a cat actually playing guitar on the cover of Who Let the Cats Out?  Cats are a lot more musical than we imagine, if they can just calm down and not run out of the room when someone starts to teach them. 

Mike Stern’s Who Let the Cats Out is clearly among the great jazz album names that include cats in the name.  I’m not entirely familiar with all the cat jazz album titles in the world, so make sure to remind me with comments of the many I will probably miss.

I like that Who Let the Cats Out is both a funny riff and so very true.  Because we all heard Who Let the Dogs Out, but the truth is dogs that get let out are far easier to find than cats who get let out. An out cat can’t hardly be found if he wants to be, which he usually doesn’t.

Naturally, Who Let the Cats Out is a jazz album. If cats were a musical genre, they would be jazz.  And if cats played music, they’d play jazz.  My cat Brody plays the keyboard, and it’s improvisation at a very pure level.  No technique, knowledge, or musical score can impede him when he starts tickling the ivories.

Sleeping with The Panther

Since last winter, Herman Panther has taken to sleeping in Hank’s arms like a lover.  Now, I don’t want you to think that I mind, because I don’t mind at all.  Seeing as how I tend to be mistaken in my sleep for a mild cyclone, I’m perfectly happy letting two of my boys have at the comfort of each other’s arms. That way I’m free to twist the sheets into rope and send the blankets into 14 directions and generally get the sleep that I need unencumbered. 

Unfortunately, my spot on the door-side of the bed puts me directly in the path of the sleek but leaden-weighted Herman Panther, a place that seems predetermined to be his springboard on and off the bed. 

Imagine me, deep in sleep, in my stormy lullaby-land, unconscious, unknowing, unable to anticipate my 16-pound bowling ball on claws bounding off my belly like it’s the trampoline launch at the cat gymnast olympics.  Or equally astonishing, awakening to the scrabbling ascent over my protruding hip at he claws his way up, over, and into the valley between me and Hank.

Let’s just say I could do without these sudden awakenings. But there is little that can be done, short of building a fence on my side of the bed, which is an idea I just now had that might work.  But short of that, his only other route is to cut across my pillow, painfully yanking my hair with each step. Or sometimes, he’s cut across my face, and I awaken with scratched cheeks.  Yes, I don’t mind Panther sleeping with Hank, it’s just his getting in and out of bed that causes issues.

However, once he makes it to his target, let’s call it ”warm-body Hank,” a bit of magic occurs that kind of changes everything.  This is how it works:  Herman mills around in the vicinity of Hank’s neck looking especially clueless and waiting for “it” to happen.  Then, suddenly, he’s drawn in under the covers right in the perfect spot next to warm-body Hank.  It happens so fast, it’s amazing!  It would take the cat about a year to find that spot himself, believe me.

Now Herman’s sleeping head rests on Hank’s big manly bicep, and Hank’s other arm gently embraces the happy black cat.   Through the night they sleep thus, man and cat and other cat (at feet), and woman slash cyclone slash trampoline.  Now, what was it I was complaining about?

Think Outside the Box, Don’t Poop Outside the Box.

If your cat is getting creative with its waste matter, as you probably groked it’s not something you want to ignore. We humans can be mighty thick when it comes to cats communicating with us, but we always seem to understand the urgency of dealing with a BM issue, be it number one or number two.

Cats who do it outside the box are sending a message, although its not entirely intuitive for humans to understand. We don’t speak cat poop, but we can have it translated for us. Really, it could be many things that the cat is trying to say. Whatever is said its certainly being said urgently by the cat. It’s best really to try to look at it from the cat’s perspective, as pissed off as you may be.

Obviously, the very first thing any expert will ask you is how clean is the box? You need to keep the box clean, or you really can’t blame kitty pooping in your shower stall.

At the same time, you want to keep in mind that it could be a health issue. Cats don’t have a lot of means for telling you they don’t feel great. The only time my Maine Coon crapped on my comforter, he was clearly having a digestive problem. This is another good reason to keep the box clean. It’s healthier and if you cat uses it, you don’t have to worry that’s he’s trying to tell you he’s sick.

I’m just lucky I have ol’ Hank to help keep our box clean. Man can clean a litter box, I tell you, and don’t think that cats don’t notice. But even we occasionally get behind on our schedule, and we’ve had issues. Trust me. Since moving to our new place, keeping the litter and pee in the box has been a handful. But that’s another story for another day.

Get Your Indoor Kitty Out of Doors

For cats, outdoors is so “in.” Once stuck inside by their careful owners, now more indoor cats are finding ways to enjoy a slice of the outdoors–and they should. So many problems, from obesity to behavioral issues like pissing outside the box, can be helped if a cat has access to the outdoors.

Whether you are ready to spare no expense to give your cats a taste of the outside or prefer to start with a cheaper solution, here are a few ways to get you indoor cat out:

The Leash: Yes, cats can and do wear leashes. It just takes them a while to get used to it, though, so start young and your cat will learn to love it. Remember, avoid dog parks and always let kitty set the pace.

Enclosures: Moving into more dedicated solutions, check out these outdoor kitty cages, not to mention these unusual cat enclosure tunnels for the lawn. Or try this hardcore Kitty Cell Block H anti-escape fencing. Hey, cat’s gotta get his yard on.

Make It a Cat Date Night

Chances are, whatever you did this week, whether it was playing emotional badminton with the subject of your work crush or trying to fan the flames of your old desire at home in a windstorm on Pluto–whatever you did this Viagra-enhanced Valentines Day week, you probably were not paying a great deal of attention to your cat. That’s why this weekend you need to set a formal Cat Date Night.

Cat Date Night is a simple concept. It means quality time with the cat. It means doing what the cat likes. It just so happens that my cats like to turn down the lights and dance in the dark. Either that or shred a feather, or possibly be brushed. Maybe all of the above.

Isn’t it time to rekindle the spark with the ones who truly love you “as is” — your cats? Yes, it is time, so go to!