Real Cats Go to Lego Church

 

Precious enjoys a quiet moment in the Lego church.

Here’s a unique example of a cat-human spiritual collaboration involving the creation of a church made entirely of Legos.  Naturally, Lego artist Amy Hughs’ cats couldn’t wait to get their paws all over the Legos church under construction, contributing their value-added X-factor to the Lilliputian house of God. 

Please go see the pictures of Precious and Anya terrorizing the organ player and lounging in the various vestibules.  It’s a rare glimpse into a world where cats are 13 feet tall.  Their devotion to spending time on this project highlights the cat’s attraction to special and even spiritual places.  If only there were more little nubby churches for them to attend.

In a poignant note, Precious (seen in the picture above) did not live to see the church completed.  That very sad fact seems to make the cat’s connection to the Legos church that much more mysterious and beautiful.

Self Help for Cats is eternally interested in hearing about all cat-human collaborations, in the spiritual realm and beyond.  So if your cat is your spiritual advisor or just is always “helping” you with your projects, we would love to hear about it. 

My thanks to the Ironic Catholic where I learned of this fantasic project. 

Cat as Dumbbell: Catflexing by Stephanie Jackson

Need to tone up? Is your cat bored? Then does cat fitness trainer Stephanie Jackson ever have the plan for you! Catflexing: A Catlover’s Guide to Weight Training, Aerobics & Stretching (Ten Speed Press, 1997) is the only program I’ve seen that provides essential bodily maintenance for the human while simultaneously inventing a whole new brand of “quality time” with the cat.

Kudos to Stephanie Jackson for this pioneering effort that shows how even something as painful and counterintuitive as stretching and exercise can be improved upon if you just manage to involve a cat.  Girl is onto something here, and you can see she’s enjoying herself.  When was the last time the gal in the tights was smiling wide doing her crunches? Well, do a crunch with a cat on your abdomen and just try NOT to smile, okay?

In fact, the whole book made me feel good, and I didn’t even try one of these exercises yet.  I smiled just reading it and looking at the wonderful pictures of Stephanie doing lunges with her cat on her shoulders, Stephanie doing pushups with the cat lying on her back, Stephanie using the cat as a dumbbell. 

Yes, this is truly a classic in the cat-human canon.  Stephanie and her co-authors, Bad and Masi, can count themselves among the spiritual midwives of the Self Help for Cats movement. If anyone knows how to contact Stephanie Jackson, I would be thrilled to interview her here on Self Help for Cats, to learn more about how her spark for synergy originally ignited, and to update us on her latest good works. 

My Cat’s Peeps Conquered My Peeps

I just located a lost bit of cat history that you will not want to miss.  I’m sure you’ll agree, this Viking Kitten footage pretty much clears up who the first cats in North America were.  Please, nobody show this to my Maine Coon, Brody.  He already has a wide stripe of blitzkrieg in him, and I’m not prepared for the gory consequences of outfitting him in the traditional garb of his peeps.  Not to mention how his hats will all stop fitting him after his head grows to overlord proportions.

Spin, Spin Lollipops: Decorate to Stimulate

Herman and his mobile share a moment of peace.

I’ve said it before: Your house may be the place you land your sorry butt at the end of the day — but it’s your cat’s whole entire world.  That’s why you have redecorate everything with the cats’ needs in mind.

To that end, I recently purchases an Ikea mobile (second-hand for $2) that looks like giant red lollipops floating upside down in space and proceeded to attach it to the hook already present in the ceiling just above our two six-foot cat towers. The whole idea here was to have a little cat-interactive art to swat at. 

The Mobile Glamoros:

(Pronounced Glam Morose - Ikea’s tribute to goth?)

After the cats’ initial “we’re just going to ignore that thing” attitude wore off, well, let’s just say the lollypop mobile survived its inaugural battle last night.  I myself slept through the skirmish, but fortunately Hank left me a full report, in verse, which it satisfies me heartily to share with you here:

Spin, Spin Lollipops, a Poem by Hank.

    DARK, DARK.

Race, Race, Race!

     to the tower, to the top, to the towering tower top!

(thunder) (thunder)

Rub Rub.

Panther head on tower top.  Rub, Rub, Rub.

dark, dark,

spin, spin,

Lollipops, Red Lollipops go spin, spin.

Dark, Dark.

Panther.

thwock!  Spin, Spin     other direction.  Bap!

twing, bonk. Dark, Dark. Lollipops spin.

     Stand, stand.  Survey all, hit Lollipops with tail,

and descend.

(Thanks to Hank for allowing me to share his poem here on Self Help for Cats, where cats and creativity meet for expresso.)

Cats in Film 1: The Third Man and the Second Cat

Like any proper self-improvement program, the book Self Help for Cats of course has lots of successful cats populating its page, you know, good examples and role models, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, the images generated in Hollywood and other popular folklore aren’t always the “good role model” we want for our cats.

Cats in film are a fascinating bunch, and while I briefly cover cats in film in my book, I only just recently discovered a new example of a clever cat role, this in the classic black-and-white post-war drama, The Third Man. Unfortunately, upon second viewing of the cat’s pivotal performance, the scene wherein Kitty uncovers that Orson Welles’ character is alive, well, I smelled a fish.

There was something about the shot where the cat looks up and connects with the audience - it just didn’t match. And thanks to the magic of DVD, I discovered that they slipped in a second cat for that one shot! The pattern on the second cat’s face is clearly different from the kitty in all the other scenes. I could not hardly believe it! I had discovered that there was a second cat in The Third Man.

So here I am wondering about The Second Cat these many years since the film was made. I have my theories, of course, all of them inspired by the gritty intriguing underworld of post-war Vienna… probably the first cat is out running an illegal catnip ring after faking his own death. I’m open to other conspiracies and even factual accounts, as well, dear readers.

Have you any cats in film you want to share with Self Help for Cats? Together we can be vigilant watchdogs of cats’ public image, if you can forgive my using the “d” word there.

Cats at Night: Bleary Humans Seek Answers Here

I don’t want you to think this is 1984 or anything, but I do get to see the search terms that some of you use to arrive at Self Help for Cats.  By far and wide the number one topic you all want to know about is what to do when your cats go crazy at night. 

Apparently Self Help for Cats has uncovered an epidemic wherein everyday, cat people around the planet wake up and blearily start searching the Internet with terms like, “cat night crazies,” “cat freaks out at night,” and my favorite, just searched on yesterday: “cat ruining house at night.”

Now I sure don’t mind the traffic, because frankly right now Self Help for Cats is still a boutique operation minus the boutique, for sure.  And I’m honored to be sought as a source of help and advice. What I need to clarify, however, is that the Self Help for Cats program is not really about helping you get a good night sleep — that will merely be one of the fantastic, amazing side effects of the Self Help for Cats plan, along with things like health, wealth, and eternal bliss.   

So don’t expect a lot of practical, boring, labor-intensive remedies that you will find on other sites.  Wake them at this time, feed them at that — I’m sure it’s all well and good, and I even provide a link to such an earnest and thought-out program in my own first piece here on the topic.  

But understand, Self Help for Cats is not about how to put kitty to bed on your schedule.  Rather, the entire Self Help for Cats program is about corralling that wild, innate entrepreneurial energy you see running itself rampant about 1 am, and using it to shake up the world and create something totally new and utterly great!

Of course, once you cat is a major success, he or she is no longer going to want to bug you all night long, it almost goes without saying. 

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Tune in soon for our next feature on this topic: The Mattress:  Invented by Cat to Torment Man?  Our hard hitting reporter will examine whether humans used to sleep on their feet like horses until cats trained them to lie horizontally, and be completely at their mercy for eight hours a day.